Delivery Services: I hate them…

There was that one time when my cousin and I were really hungry but there was no food in the house. He told me about the wonderful pizza place called “Rolfs rollende Pizza” just around the corner. We were so hungry that we ordered way more than we could eat, just like when we go grocery shopping while being hungry and then we buy a bunch of stuff we don’t need.

Soon, the doorbell rang. It was Rolf. He had personally delivered the pizza. The dogs were going crazy and making noise when they saw the heaping pile of food. I was salivating. We have arranged everything so we could lie and eat simultaneously, reaching the food without dirtying the sofa.

My cousin loved this pizza to death and dug in. The cheese was chunky and forming strings between the mouth and the pizza crust. The salami slices, also called Plockwurst, fell onto the sofa. Who or what is that Plockwurst? Is it low-budget salami because the real one was too expensive?  I investigated and had a look at Wikipedia (German). They say something like:

“Plockwurst is a mostly smoked, rather seldom air-dried raw sausage, made of roughly trimmed beef, fatty pork and bacon.”  When I read a little further, it actually says cheap salami imitation which has about 10% thickener incorporated. Moreover, Wikipedia displays a nice close-up picture of a Plockwurst. Mhh, the pizza has just gotten tastier! I stared at the grease spot which was spreading on the sofa like dish detergent on a greasy skillet. I decided to avoid the Plockwurst from then on. The pizza had a mediocre taste anyway, pretty sticky, the vegetable seemed to be out of the can with condensed water and there has always been the hint of cheap white wine vinegar in the aftertaste.

I tried the allegedly delicious potato casserole which was basically drowning in premade hollandaise sauce. Discontenting. It was edible but deliciousness was something else on many levels. Everything cost me 30 €. I was disappointed.

Let’s skip to the day two weeks later. It was a Sunday once again and I was still sore from the all the dance events in May. There was no food within the close radius of my home and I was contemplating on ordering something. But this time it shall be from a food chain. I chose a restaurant without Plockwurst but with a good rating. I found a Greek restaurant which even sounded delicious, seeing the positive rating I placed my order.

After 45 minutes the doorbell rang. The delivery man was quite chubby and needed some time to catch his breath. He was wearing a white sweater with a blue acropolis on it, a matching cap on his head and greasy hair sticking out. The sweater showed some stains as well, yellow stains. I was thinking if these were from sweat or grease…or eventually from both? It definitely smelled like sweat. You can bet on that.

Nevertheless, I looked forward to my food and I made myself comfortable on the couch. Unfortunately, this meal was a complete disappointment as well. Every bite felt loveless, old and tasteless. I concluded that I should start cooking again.

Suddenly, my cellphone was ringing. I received a message from an unknown number. The picture showed a plump woman with a headscarf and a child in her arm.

In broken German, I was asked if the food was delicious. I thought this is kind of sweet. I believed that the woman from the delivery service would contact her customers via WhatsApp to ask if her food was to their taste. However, I was honest and gave her my sincere opinion about the food. She wanted to bring some wine to my home – after work, at 10pm!

Then she asks me for my age. I was irritated and so I asked her if she was the person from the picture the phone showed me. It turned out that she was a HE and that the photo showed his sister with his daughter. He was the delivery man with greasy stains!

I quickly blocked his number and messaged him that I was neither interested in a bottle of wine nor him. Not only my meal was ruined but now I was harassed by the delivery man in private as well. He would have stood in front of my door with a bottle of wine at 10pm for real. That’s just inconceivable. This whole story actually happened to me just like that! I am not going to order delivery anytime soon.

I wish everyone else a nice meal!

And if you would like to have a close-up of a Plockwurst, just click on the link below.