This year, I became single again with mixed feelings. On the one hand, I was happy, because the guy I was in love with turned out to be an annoying, nagging control freak with a narcissistic character disorder. On the other hand, I was in the running again. Berlin – city of the singles. It can be very nice for a while, but I quickly long for togetherness and not for a one-night-stand.
“Try out online dating!”, my mother told me. She has been married to the same man for over 40 years. My father. So, I decided to try it out. No Romeo will suddenly appear on my balcony. I don’t even have one.
I didn’t want to pay for it, so I looked for a free platform for singles. I uploaded a nice picture and wrote a suitable text about myself. I liked Tarzan2000. We chatted daily. I received loads of messages, but I started to stick to chatting with Tarzan2000. Then, we started to phone. It was a nice call. He talked about his plans of constructing a 3-generation house. Then, he suddenly asked me if I like deep throat. DEEP THROAT?! Did he really talk about a specific kind of oral sex? I asked him. Tarzan2000 approved of it and found it absolutely normal and asked about it over and over again. I hung up. What the hell was that?
Well, okay, I had some other mails left behind. 50% were copy-and-paste messages in bad German. They wrote stuff like: “You fell from the sky like an angel and now they miss you up there. Now, I’ve found you!”. Or they were just men who took topless pictures of themselves in the mirror.
Except for Tomahawk60. He was able to write and I could look at his picture without getting bulimia. When we talked on the phone, he didn’t ask about oral sex and he could speak very well. We bid goodbye.
Tomahawk60 is a nurse and was really nice, but he wasn’t attractive. You can make men attractive by drinking some shots and after 3 bars and 10 Tequilas I found him really handsome! His name was Guido and we flirted and kissed. Unfortunately, his tongue felt like a dead fish in my mouth. Well, it wasn’t really dead, and it twitched from time to time. This kiss made me sober. Guido became Tomahawk60 again. He was more of an ax than a human being and so I went home alone.
After a few days, the dead-fish feeling was over and of course, I had brushed my teeth several times. I had a good feeling with Reinhard72, whose real name was really Reinhard; and you won’t believe it, but he was born in 1972.
Reinhard and I met in a bar. I can’t name it, but he somehow had a really weird energy. It seems like a nimbus was hanging above his head. I asked him to a drink. After a short while, he started to cry and he told me that his ex-girlfriend was raped. This was too much of information. I was kind of overwhelmed. He went to the washing room and I told him to get a beer for me. When he came back, the barkeeper was following him – with a beer! Of course, it wasn’t for me. He paid with Cents and. No tips. I was shocked.
He started to cry again. This time, he complained that his Facebook friends weren’t his real friends. I ordered 2 Tequilas. Both for me. He left again for the washing room, but he didn’t return. I started to worry. I told the barkeeper to go checking the washing room. When he came back, he told me that the guy was laying in his vomit and that he wouldn’t move. Furthermore, the barkeeper reminded me that Reinhard didn’t tip him off. Then, he took a bin of water. I followed him. Reinhard72 got a bin of water thrown over his head. He didn’t wake up. So, we called the ambulance.
By the way: I unsubscribed from the dating platform after all these incidents.
Image Source: „SuitHearts“ von Nicu Buculei, edited by User:DieBuche – Open Clip Art Library. Über Wikimedia Commons – http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:SuitHearts.svg#mediaviewer/Datei:SuitHearts.svg
