Hey my lovelies,
Yesterday I sat on a park bench, read a book and threw sticks for my dog. It was a beautiful day and I enjoyed the last rays of the sun. I really indulged in the calmness and was just about to find my inner peace.
But then suddenly a woman sat down next to me and started to speak to me, asking: “And what are you guys planning for the rest of the day?” I was really confused at this point and examined the lady in astonishment. Did I meet her before? Well, nope. Beige cord pants with coffee stains. Turquoise-painted finger nails which couldn’t hide the dirt underneath them and uncombed hair. Well, at least, they weren’t greasy. She too took a dog with her. The poor animal kind of looked like her, both had a sad expression on their faces. I pitied them.
The then began to tell me how bad everything was and how bad the children in her apartment block treated her by throwing rocks at her. Then she looked at the hospital next to us: the Charité in Berlin/Mite. She began to complain:”You should break down this building because of all the bacteria and germs!” Well, since she was a medical and technical assistant, she of course thought to know better. For some reason, the lady became really angry and continued her monologue. Well, I was silenced, I couldn’t say a word. But it I think it wouldn’t matter if I said something. She just wanted to let go of everything which bugged her, no matter whether I, a complete stranger, had to sacrifice my precious time for it. I just wanted to enjoy the calmness and the last warmth of the day. Actually I wanted to be alone. But I really couldn’t muster up the strength to say something. My inner politeness forced me to stay silent. I couldn’t say: “No.”
Do you know these situations? I mean, there are 1000 situations like these in your life. The boss asks you whether you want to stay longer although you already planned something in the night. A salesman is trying to convince you to buy pants you don’t need. A friend wants you to go out with them even though you aren’t in the mood. A friend wants you to help you with moving out although she didn’t want to help you out last time.
What exactly are we thinking then? There is a little inner voice which is screaming: “No, I don’t want to!”, but in the end, you stay silent. You just wish for harmony by pleasing everybody and by being everybody’s darling. Initially you should ask yourself where this wish actually comes from? In most cases, this behavior was influenced in your childhood. A good child does what his or her parents tell him to do. A good child doesn’t throw themselves into the floor, screaming because he or she doesn’t get any sweets.
We, we should try to find the golden, happy medium of both children, the bad and the good one. On the one hand, we should listen to our own needs and desires, on the other hand, doing someone a favor is necessary as well. But be careful not to get abused.
How this will work out? Well, initially we should learn to not to ignore the inner voice which is expressing our needs. One of my favorite questions which I like to ask myself in certain situations is: “What can happen in the worst case?” Answering this question helps you seeing the situation in a new light. In the end, it doesn’t look that bad.
If saying no is something which you still can’t do properly, you can also try to postpone your final answer. “I will think about it!” or “I have to settle some things first.” are answers which neither indicate a neither a no nor a yes and they will give you the time to reflect on the situation, helping you to find out whether you really want it or not.
How do you feel about it? What kinds of situation have you gotten into where you had difficulties to decide?
I wish you a nice week!
So long!
Lucy.
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